I came to Naples to meet M and we’re walking through Piazza del Gesù. M says that I look fine and he likes ‘the way I carry myself’. he hasn’t touched heroin for a few months and gained some weight. we decide to go to his place, which is in upper Corso Vittorio. once in his room, we sit on the bed and in a few second he’s already tighten the belt around his arm. after he’s done, he puts it around my arm, shoves the needle in and pushes the plunger, observing the reactions on my face with curiosity, in a slightly sadistic way. then we just lay there, in our private limbos, for a few minutes, until we look for each other’s hand. I haven’t seen M in a while. after an hour, we are finally in the condition to stand and decide to leave the house. we walk until Mergellina, on the seafront, and seat on the rocks. we talk for ages. the sky is grey behind him and so is the sea. it’s january. the wind blows strong around us and M’s hairs move frenetically like crazy whips. we are seating on two different rocks and I suddenly wish we were closer. even though we’re not hungry at all, we decide to go to this place not so far where they say the make the best pizza in Naples. it’s a simple place, with long tables, that looks more like a canteen than an actual restaurant. there’s no private tables and this guy seats right beside us. he must be in his lunch break and he’s wearing a tie. he obviously wants to start a conversation and asks where we’re from, what we do. he soon realizes how stoned we are and feels entitled to lecture me saying that this is my life and I have to be careful. then he quickly wipes his mouth and leaves. as he’s watching him walk out the door, M wonders why people are so into giving cheap life lessons. it’s because it makes them feel better about themselves, I say.
in the evening, N and S arrive with their car and we drive through the city, aimless, stopping in a few bars for drinks. M and I are in the backseat and he carefully positions his hand on my leg. then he kisses my cheek repeatedly and moves to my ear, sucking it, and continues down my neck. I really don’t know how to react to all this so I decide not to. I’m a little worried about the others may think but they don’t seem to notice. before we call it a night, we get more dope and park the car down M’s apartment building to shoot up. once we’re done, M asks me to take him upstairs, because he can’t really walk, and he also wants to talk to me about something. as we get out of the car, N mumbles a couple of words like ‘don’t be long’, but he’s about to pass out and I can tell he actually doesn’t give a shit. we enter the gate, walk the first flight of stairs and stop in the landing. M turns around and looks at me with shiny, imploring eyes. ‘do you like it when I kiss you?’, he says. ‘yes’. ‘would you like to kiss me right now?’ he hasn’t finished the sentence and our faces are already getting close. then our lips join and our tongues too and it’s perfect, as if it was always meant to be this way, and rather than kissing we’re trying to devour each other’s face. with my hands I feel his shoulder blades, his spine and his ass under his jeans. my blood pressure concentrates on my face and I can see it going red and I can feel this heath running through my whole body. I can’t believe this is happening. I never imagined something so overwhelming. I take a big breathe with my nose and let myself go. the corners of my eyes are wet. it’s like a big revelation. the image of the two of us standing up her and holding each other up is so epic. I wish I could take it forever with me. I wish it didn’t have to end.