it’s been on the roof of the building facing my kitchen window for over a week. it’s a dead pigeon. when I first saw it I was kind of grossed out. I don’t like dead animals but then, who does? I’ve been walking back and forth from my room to the kitchen, aimless, just waiting for the little corpse to change position. I don’t leave my apartment much lately. mainly because I don’t feel like it. scrolling down on the facebook page and staring at the pigeon have been my main activities. after a couple of days from when i first saw it, it moved a few meters on the right. and there where white puffy feathers that looked like snowflakes everywhere. a part of me found it romantic. I’ve been thinking about this guy lately. somebody I couldn’t have. i actually thought he was out of my mind, gone for good, but he was only hidden somewhere in the back of my head. I wondered how long it would take for the dead pigeon to disappear. nobody is going to remove it from the roof and it could take a couple of months before it rots away. but the wind may do the job earlier. little parts of it though, little bones, will probably resist for a while, I thought. even in a few years, little traces of its presence may still be noticed, if you look carefully. the same way somebody who really mattered never actually leaves. even if what’s left is nothing but an annoying reminder of the days you spent trying to get him out of your head. trying to feel better without being actually sick. hoping that a painkiller could resolve the problem or pressing a button would automatically erase the thought of him.
I finally went out for a run the other day and realized I didn’t pay any attention to the pigeon for almost 24 hours and rushed back home. when I saw it, the pigeon looked as if it had been turned inside out. I could only tell it was a pigeon because I knew, otherwise it would’ve been an unidentified bird. I see the guy and realize how I’ve never been able to figure him out. I know, if I’ve been there and felt that way, there must be a reason. but right now I’m just observing a dead animal. I might as well go out and wait for the wind to do the job.